The world’s most terrifying digital babies are back, thanks to a new Evian commercial. Evian’s new motto is “Live Young.” So they’re going about as young as they can, to a kind of youth that can only be created by a computer. When I wrote about their first commercial awhile back, I mentioned that there’s this theory called the “Uncanny Valley” which basically states that as artificial representations of humans become more and more lifelike, they more they creep people out. Or as Wikipedia phrased it, “it causes a response of revulsion among human observers.” Revulsion is the key word there. And the more I watch the babies (which is freaking ne-var, because they give me the willies), the more revolted I become.

So Evian decided to up the creepy factor with their new commercial. I am not 100% sure if the babies they’re interviewing are digital or not. That’s how lifelike this sh*t is. I think I can spot some pixilation at points, but it could just be YouTube. And if the babies are digital, why have them talking in that “Look Who’s Talking?” way? They could just as easily have normally moving mouths. Anyway, Evian’s decided to employ some possibly digital, possibly human, or possibly robot babies to talk about the video shoot for the first commercial. The reason I’m inclined to believe the babies may be real here is that when they flash to the commercial I instantly feel sick to my stomach, whereas I’m only mildly upset watching the babies get interviewed.

Then this:

Director to baby Tom: “Can you do me a favor?”
Baby Tom: “Sure.”
Director: “Can you share any stories with us about the shoot? What was it like on set?”
Baby Tom: “Well, I have to say, that… well, something happened. “
Director: “Are you referring to your affair with little Anna?”
Baby Tom: “Yeah yeah…. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Then the camera pans to little baby Anna crying. Holy… what the crap, Evian? You guys are really skeeving me out. It’s like they sat there in some kind of group meeting and said, “What’s the one thing we haven’t done that could revolt JayBird even more than our artificial babies? Hey, let’s talk about infants having affairs! That’ll definitely make her ill.” Mission accomplished, Evian. As though the thick taste of your water didn’t make me queasy enough, you’ve found the one thing that can really push me over the edge.

Thanks so much to commenter Bellatrix for the lead!

Here’s the original Evian baby roller skating baby commercial, in case you didn’t feel all squishy and uncomfortable already.